island of yellowtailshark | VAC / VietnameseWedding

The Vietnamese wedding has changed substantially in the past century because of changing social values. Arranged marriages that were once the norm, has now fallen out of favor for weddings based on the bridge and groom's preference for love and individual needs. The traditional Vietnamese wedding ceremony consists of four parts: Procession of Consent, Consignation of the Bride, Reception of the Bride, and the Banquet Party. Vietnamese spirituality sometimes ordains a fortune teller to determine the date and time of the marriage.

Procession of Consent

The groom would attend the home of the bride's parents and seek permission to receive the bride. The bride would be living with the groom, and so this was the formal act of recognizing the transfer of the bride to the new household, since the bride's family was losing a family member. This part of the procession is largely abandoned in Vietnam today.

Consignation of the Bride

The second part of the procession is to receive the bride (along with the ancestor veneration ceremony at her house). Upon arriving at the bride's home, firecrackers are lit to alert the bride's family, who then light their own round of firecrackers to welcome the groom's family into their home. After each gift of food is accepted by the bride's parents, the groom then receives permission to greet the bride, who is finally brought out. The ceremony will occur in front of the ancestor altar in the bride’s home. The bride and groom will kneel down in front of the altar and burn incense sticks, asking permission from the bride's ancestors to bless their marriage and their future family. Afterwards, the couple will turn and bow to their parents giving thanks for raising and protecting them. The bride and groom will then bow to each other.

Interestingly, in the past the groom's mother did not take part in the procession as a sign that she would not be a threat to the future bride (and she would even hide for a short period upon the bride's welcome into the groom's home). However, this practice has long been abandoned. The number of people participating in a procession varies but is usually restricted to a smaller number (20 or so) to make it easier on the bride's family who will be receiving all of the guests.

But sometimes the groom's mother (along with a few other close relatives) would make a trip to the bride's home, carrying along a gift of betel. The mother would officially ask permission to receive the bride and then notify the family of the time the procession would arrive to bring the bride to her new home. It was at this time that the bride's family would confirm the state of things and proceedings would take place. This now obsolete ceremony was used in the past to confirm at the last minute that the marriage would even take place, since with arranged marriages the bride sometimes fled beforehand and so this ceremony was essential in confirming that things were going smoothly. In Vietnam, where arranged marriages are no longer the norm, this part of the procession is optional.

The procession of the groom’s family is led by specific order; usually the first person will be a man chosen as the representative of the groom's house, usually a person of eloquence and high societal status, followed by the groom's father, then the groom, and then the rest of his immediate family and close friends. Huge traditional umbrellas are carried and accompany the front of the procession. Although there are no readings that indicate what the umbrella signify, in the traditional 20th century Chinese wedding, umbrellas were status symbols, as they were expensive to obtain, and by interpolation, especially considering the usage of umbrellas by Vietnamese royalty, we can assume the same.

In the procession, the groom and his family (among others) will be bearing elaborately decorated lacquer boxes, covered in red cloth. Inside these boxes are gifts representing the wealth the groom's family will bring to the bride's family. Gifts include: betel, wine, tea, fruit, cakes, a roast pig, and an abundance of jewelry for the bride (the amount of jewelry depending on the personal wealth of the groom's family). Usually the number of gift boxes varies from 6 or 8, but never 7 or 9 which is seen as bad luck. It is not stated whether each gift symbolizes something, for example the betel comes from the legend of the Betel and Areca Tree, and symbolizes fidelity.

For the tea ceremony, the bride and groom in front of all their family and friends will serve tea (or wine) to their parents. Each parent will then give advice about marriage and family to the couple. A candle ceremony will follow, symbolizing the joining of the bride and groom and their families. The gift boxes filled with jewelry that were brought by the groom's family will be opened by the groom’s mother who will then put each piece on the bride for good fortune. In contemporary Vietnamese weddings, due to western influence with the concept of wedding rings, in modern weddings what usually follows is the exchanging of wedding bands (however Catholic Vietnamese families save this for the separate church ceremony).

The bride and groom will then be presented with small red envelopes containing money from close family members. Finally, the groom officially asks to bring the bride to his home, and she follows with the procession to the groom's house.

Reception of the Bride

As the procession arrives back at the groom's house, the groom's family members that had stayed behind will light firecrackers in celebration. The newlyweds will be brought by the groom's parents to their own ancestor altar, where another ancestor ceremony takes place and the bride is introduced to her new relatives. Finally, bride is then brought into what is to be the couple's room and introduced to their new marriage bed. Hahaha, I guess that's the honeymoon.

The Banquet Party

Following the ceremony at the groom's house, all of the bride and groom's family and friends are invited to a massive banquet party. However, nowadays the order of these ceremonies are slightly rearranged and usually (especially in big cities) the banquet takes place right after the ceremony at the bride's house, with the bride being brought to the groom's house only afterward.

The number of guests in attendance at these banquets are huge, usually in the hundreds. Elaborate 7-10 course meals are served, with popular dishes including seafood hotpot, the Vietnamese seven courses of beef, and so on so forth. Guests are expected to bring gifts, often money, which the groom and bride at one point in the banquet will go from table to table collecting. Occasionally, the newlyweds may profit from the monetary gifts from their family and guests even after they have paid for their lavish and expensive feasts or reception.

In contemporary weddings, brides usually change into 3 different gowns during the wedding banquet, 2 of which include the western white wedding gown and once again into the traditional Áo dài she had worn for the previous ceremonies.

From Vietnamese Wedding Style (aodaivietnamm.blogspot.com)

Vietnamese wedding food similar like Chinese wedding food, has special symbolism: mostly wishes of happiness, longevity, or fertility. The number of courses is also significant as same as Chinese culture. At a wedding banquet, eight dishes are usually served – not including the dessert as a "good luck".

Nowadays, a wedding banquet starts with appetizers such as “dragon-phoenix” plates or cold plates which consist of various sliced meats, jellyfish, and various types of nuts shaped like dragons and phoenixes and served chilled. In a marriage, the dragon symbolises the male role while the phoenix symbolises the female role.
Roast Suckling Pig. Roasted pork is a symbol of virginity. (The groom presents a whole roasted pork to the bride’s family at the engagement party and at the wedding ceremony in the morning).
Quail. According to Shu Shu Costa, the author of Wild Geese and Tea, pigeon has tender meat that symbolises peace. Quail is offered whole to each guest so each and every one will also experience a peaceful life.
Shark’s Fin Soup. Usually follows the appetizers. The type of soup has some significance, for example, shark’s fin soup indicates wealth because this delicacy is very expensive. The yellowtailshark does not approve! =(
Lobster. Red is the color for happiness, so serving Lobster would signify joy and celebration. Also, serving the dish whole, i.e. the whole lobster, would symbolise completeness.
Vegetables with Sea Cucumber. Serving sea cucumber with vegetables is a sign of selflessness because “sea cucumber” sounds like “good heart” and this dish wishes the couple to think in a similar way – to avoid conflict.
Fish. Serving fish would hope that the couple will experience a life together with abundance because “fish”" sounds like “plentiful”.
Noodles served at the end would symbolise longevity because noodles come in long strands.
Sweet Red Bean Soup. Serving dessert probably wishes the newlyweds a sweet life. The hot sweet red bean soup should contain lotus seeds and a red beans to wish the newlyweds a hundred years of togetherness.

I've noticed lately at many weddings, at the end of the banquet, waiters usually pass out take-away boxes to the guests because there is usually enough food for everyone and some left over; this represents abundance. It is acceptable to take some of the food home because it is not good to waste good food – or anything else for that matter.

Reference: Costa, S. S., Wild Geese and Tea: Asian-American Wedding Planner. NY: Riverhead Books, 1997

Other Observations

From Vietnamese Wedding Style (aodaivietnamm.blogspot.com)

The 10-course banquet (and it’s always 10 courses, fewer and you risk seeming cheap, more and you’re pompous) starts two hours after the time announced on the invitation. This is the prime manifestation of the Vietnamese "rubber clock." All Vietnamese know this. If the invitation says 6 pm, they show up at 7:45. It's the pale-faced American guests, who are always punctual, that will arrive at 5:59 to an empty restaurant, and will sit there wondering if those Vietnamese are holding out on them and having a pre-reception party somewhere.

In all the dozens of Vietnamese wedding receptions I have been to in the past decade, only two had used classical musicians. The rest used pop/dance bands—and bad ones. The rule of thumb is: the worse they are, the louder they play—to mask their mistakes, no doubt. Coming home with your ears ringing is a ritual. So bring your ear plugs. As a matter of fact, bring a whole box of disposable ones. You’ll make a tidy profit at your table.

Vietnamese only give cash gifts (in the form of checks). It’s the one good thing about the Vietnamese wedding. It saves the guests the trouble of having to shop for presents, and the bride and groom the trouble of returning 9 of the 10 electric fans they will get. Now how those presents are presented is another matter. During a break in the ear-piercing music, the bride and groom, their parents, and entourage will visit each table. The parents or their representative will introduce the bride and groom, and one elected person at the table will stand up and give a little speech, bestowing best wishes on the couple. This person is usually the oldest person at the table, so unless you’re eager to give speeches, act young. This is also the perfect time to lie about your age. After this speech, guests at the table will hand over the wedding cards (with the checks inside) to one of the attendants in the entourage. The current rule of thumb for the gift amount is at least $50 per person in the guest party, more if you’re related or really close to the couple. This is one reason the Vietnamese wedding is almost always a positive cash-flow investment for the happy couple.

Conclusion

There are so many themes to include in the redesigned Vietnamese American wedding. So far I've only dissected the Vietnamese traditional wedding. Some of the traditions were rooted in certain social values that are no longer applicable today. The Western wedding will not be exempt from my intellectual scalpel. It too will be dissected for obsolete traditions. Once I identify the core values and themes and remove obsolete traditions, I can preserve the function (i.e. the meaning) of the themes present in the wedding but change the form (i.e. the look) of the procession. For example, the groom's mother need not pay a visitation to the bride's family to see if affairs are in order; that can be relegated into the Vietnamese history books. The 6 to 10 course meal could be reformed. Instead of steamed sea bass which I usually have at every one of my cousin's weddings on my father's side, why not have sashimi/sushi? Sushi is a more refined form of serving fish than steamed sea bass. And take-home boxes to signify abundance still looks cheap to me. I would rather have consumable take-home gifts. That would be an example of refining the form.

But ultimately the contemporary Vietnamese American wedding that I will reinvent is ultimately for the purpose of ascertaining what needs to go into a Vietnamese American Center. I'm entertaining the idea of a minaret-type of building that spirals into the sky, taken after the geography on which the Co Loa Citadel sits, in which the rivers spiral around the buildings. It would signify longevity (the spiral) and divine fortune (towering into the sky). The existing site at Co Loa might be based on the Vietnamese Cardinality system in which North, East, South, West (and the center/middle) have specific meanings, and I may need to brush up on my Phong Thuy (Vietnamese version of Feng Shui) to ascertain if there is anything relevant. Ultimately, I could do away with it completely and demarcate Phong Thuy as an obsolete belief system, but I think there are useful things that could be salvaged, such as the balance of element usage (light, wood, earth, metal, and water) in contemporary design.