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WesternWedding

This article will describe the American variation of the Western wedding. Some traditions are found in other Western countries but not in America. The Western wedding is comprised of two parts: the Ceremony and the Reception. Sometimes the ceremony is done at a church if the couple are Christian. Ceremonies are based on reference to God, are frequently embodied into other church ceremonies such as Holy Mass. Customs may vary widely between denominations. The honeymoon is not considered part of the wedding, but it is the customary thing to do after the wedding.

A new trend is the utilization of a personal wedding website to communicate and coordinate with wedding guests.

Attendees

Traditional weddings require, in addition to the bride and groom:

• Marriage officiant - a minister, priest, rabbi, imam, or civil officer who is authorized to perform marriages.

In many cultures, the "wedding party" may also include:

• Best man - a close male friend or relative of the groom, given a place of honor.
• Maid of honor - a close female friend or relative of the bride, given a place of honor. If she is married, she is instead called the "matron of honor."
• Father of the Bride - One who symbolically "gives away" the bride. If her father is deceased or otherwise unavailable, another male relative, often an uncle or brother, will give the bride away. This is an artifact of the law of parental consent.
• Groomsmen - one or more male attendants who support the groom.
• Bridesmaids - one or more female attendants who support the bride.
• Flower girl - a young girl who scatters flowers in front of the bridal party.
• Ringbearer - an attendant, often a young boy, who carries the wedding rings.
• Ushers - helpers, usually men, who assist with the organization.
• Junior Bridesmaids - young girl typically between the ages of 8 and 16 who is too old to be a flowergirl, but the bride wants to be a part of the wedding.

Typically, these positions are filled by close friends of the bride and groom; being asked to serve in these capacities is seen as a great honor.

Wedding guests are generally sent invitations to which they are expected to reply. The guests are generally invited to both the wedding and the wedding reception afterwards, although sometimes ceremony or reception places may be limited. Often certain people are invited due to perceived obligations, since to not receive an invitation can be considered an insult.

The Ceremony

When the guests arrive for a wedding the ushers' duty is to hand out the correct mix of books, flowers and leaflets and ensure the guests are seated in the correct places. Traditionally, the side on which people sit depends on whether they are friends or family of the bride or of the groom. The front rows are generally reserved for close family or friends, with the very first seats reserved for the bridal party. However, in many ceremonies the bridal party will remain standing at the altar during the ceremony along with the bride and groom.

The groom and his best man wait inside the church for the arrival of the bride and her "entourage".

This entourage generally arrives in elegant cars or in horse-drawn coaches, specially hired for the occasion. The bride's entourage normally consists of the bride, the bride's father and all the various bridesmaids, maids of honour, flower girls and page boys that are intended to attend her.

The following is a typical processional order:

1. The ushers and/or groomsmen escort the grandparents of the bride and groom to their seats.
2. The ushers and/or groomsmen escort the mother of the groom and mother of the bride to their seats.
3. The bridesmaids enter, escorted by the groomsmen.
4. The maid or matron of honor enters, either by herself or escorted by the best man.
5. The ringbearer enters.
6. The flower girl enters. (In some ceremonies, the ringbearer will accompany the flower girl.)

The bride then proceeds down the aisle, escorted by her father, to the accompaniment of music, and the ceremony starts. Music often played at western weddings includes a processional song for walking down the aisle (ex: Wedding March) and reception dance music. The custom of exchanging rings may be the oldest and most universal symbol of marriage, but the origins are unclear.[citation needed] The ring’s circular shape represents perfection and never-ending love. The rings are exchanged during the wedding ceremony and symbolize the love, faithfulness and commitment of the marriage union.

After the wedding ceremony itself ends, the bride, groom, officiant, and two witnesses generally go off to a side room to sign the wedding register in the United Kingdom or the state-issued marriage license in the United States. Without the signing of the register or the marriage license no legally valid marriage exists.

Afterward, guests file out to throw flower petals, confetti, birdseed, or rice over the newly-married couple for good luck.

Finally, a photographic session ensues of the couple leaving the church.

The Reception

After this the events shift to a reception at which the married couple, the couple's parents, the best man and the wedding entourage greet each of the guests. At such events it is traditional to eat and drink. The meal is usually either a plated dinner or buffet dinner, traditionally paid for by the bride's family, though rarer now. Some couples instead elect to host an hors d’œuvre reception or a dessert reception. In the Eastern and Northern US, plated dinners are more popular. In the South, buffets are more popular. The cutting of the wedding cake would also take place at the reception. Typically, a cake from a professional baker is displayed until after dinner. After a short while of dancing, the couple cuts the cake and then feeds a bite of cake to one another (often with the fingers). After this, the cake is cut for the guests. This cake is typically at least two tiers, often more. Some couples have a smaller, formal, display cake, which is discreetly supplemented by sheet cake.

During the reception a number of speeches and/or toasts are given in honor of the couple. In most Western countries, before or after a meal toasts are made by the wedding party wishing the couple well. Traditionally, the speaking parties include the bride's father, groom, the best man (who usually slips in a few good-natured jokes at the couple's expense) and the maid of honor.

After the speeches, the bride and groom begin their first dance, which used to be called the "bridal waltz"; in most contemporary weddings a recent romantic song is played (common choices include songs by Frank Sinatra, Tony Bennett, Etta James, Dean Martin, and other standard singers) and the bride and groom's dance is rarely an actual waltz. Different dance styles are now used, depending on the nature of the song. Foxtrot, Two-step, or Rumba, matches most four count pop ballads. Because the "First Dance as Husband and Wife" is the most formal occasion in dance, many couples take Ballroom Lessons at a studio. Many Gentlemen want to be prepared and confident in front of many guests, so the fiancee's may add coaching classes or DVDs to their gift registry. 12 hours of practice is required for a 3 minute choreography.

The wedding reception dance party may involve a certain sequence of special dances. For example, after the first dance, the groom may escort his bride to her father for a special father/daughter dance. Sometimes the groom will cut in halfway through the dance, symbolizing the bride leaving her father and joining her new husband. Though not traditional, dances between the groom and his mother are also becoming popular in America. Following the various special dances, the guests are invited to join in the dancing. The party continues with toasts and various celebrations until the bride and groom leave in a car decorated by the couple's friends.

A trend is the addition of a DVD slideshow or photo montage video featuring pictures of the bride and groom growing up and, eventually meeting. These are created using home movies and photos taken over the couple's life, and edited and set to music using professional video editing software. The montage is shown either on a large TV or monitor, or an LCD projector.

At some point the married couple may become the object of a charivari, a good-natured hazing of the newly-married couple. While this is most familiar in the form of tying tin cans to the bumper of the couple's car, or spraying shaving cream on the windows, some of the pranks can be far more malicious.

The final tradition is the newly married couple to set off for their honeymoon.

Attire

A number of cultures utilize the western custom of a bride wearing a white dress. This tradition came to symbolize purity in the Victorian era (despite popular misconception, the white dress did not indicate virginity, which was symbolized by the face veil). Within the ‘white wedding’ tradition, a white dress and veil would not have been considered appropriate for a second or third wedding of a widow or a divorcee.

The tradition of a white wedding is commonly credited to Queen Victoria's choice to wear a white wedding dress at her wedding to Prince Albert. Queen Victoria was not the first royal bride to wear a white wedding gown, but the first of the modern era. White had been a traditional color of royal mourning, and although not often utilized as such, white was not considered a suitable choice for a royal wedding. Victoria's choice popularized the white gown as no other had before her. Previously, brides wore their best clothes or the most expensive new clothes they could afford. Gold or gold-threaded dresses became popular with royal brides; the rank-and-file wore dresses that reflected their station. White was one of many choices, pastel shades were also popular.

Until the mid-twentieth century, many brides in the United Kingdom did not wear a traditional wedding dress, merely a specially bought dress that could later be worn as an evening gown. This was also the case in pre-20th century America, where working and frontier brides often opted for a formal look that was practical and could be used again on special occasions.

In western cultures, the groom usually wears a dark-coloured suit or tuxedo during the wedding ceremony. In US tradition, at the end of the wedding, it is the groom's privilege to remove the bride's garter and toss it over his shoulder to the group of male guests, much like the "tossing of the bouquet" performed by the bride. It is traditional belief that whomever catches the garter will be the next to be married.

The Wedding Cake

A wedding cake is the traditional cake served to the guests at a wedding reception (or in parts of England, at a wedding breakfast) after a wedding. The bride-cake had its origin in the Roman confarreatio, a form of marriage, the essential features of which were the eating by the couple of a cake made of salt, water and spelt flour, and the holding by the bride of three wheat-ears, a symbol of plenty. Under Tiberius the cake-eating fell into disuse, but the wheat ears survived. In the Middle Ages they were either worn or carried by the bride. Eventually it became the custom for the young girls to assemble outside the church porch and throw grains of wheat over the bride, and afterwards a scramble for the grains took place. In time the wheat-grains came to be cooked into thin dry biscuits, which were broken over the bride's head, as is the custom in Scotland to-day, an oatmeal cake being used. In Elizabeth's reign these biscuits began to take the form of small rectangular cakes made of eggs, milk, sugar, currants and spices. Every wedding guest had one at least, and the whole collection were thrown at the bride the instant she crossed the threshold. Those which lighted on her head or shoulders were most prized by the scramblers. At last these cakes became amalgamated into a large one which took on its full glories of almond paste and ornaments during Charles II's time. But even to-day in rural parishes, e.g. north Notts, wheat is thrown over the bridal couple with the cry "Bread for life and pudding for ever," expressive of a wish that the newly wed may be always affluent. The throwing of rice, a very ancient custom but one later than the wheat, is symbolical of the wish that the bridal may be fruitful.

In modern Western culture, it is usually a large cake, multi-layered or tiered, and heavily decorated with icing, occasionally over a layer of marzipan or fondant, topped with a small statue representing the couple. Other common motifs include doves, gold rings and horseshoes,[citation needed] the latter symbolising good luck. Achieving a dense, strong cake that can support the decorations while remaining edible can be considered the epitome of the baker's art and skill. The average cost of a wedding cake in the U.S. in 2005 was $543.[1]

Tradition generally requires that the first cut of the cake be performed by bride and groom together, often with a ceremonial knife or even a sword.[citation needed] An older, archaic tradition had the bride serve all portions to the groom's family as a symbolic transfer of her household labor from her family to the groom's family.

Tradition may also dictate that the bride and groom feed the first bites of this cake to each other. Again, this may symbolize the new family unit formed and the replacement of the old parent-child union.

Other guests may then partake of the cake, portions may be taken home or shipped to people who missed the festivities. (An old tradition held that if a bridesmaid slept with a piece of wedding cake beneath her pillow she might dream of her future husband.[citation needed])

A portion may be stored, and eaten by the couple at their first wedding anniversary, or at the christening of their first child. Sometimes this portion is the top tier, and sometimes a portion of the piece from which the bride and groom fed each other, depending on the local customs. The portion of the cake may be frozen for this purpose; the top tier of the cake may sometimes consist of fruitcake,[citation needed] which could be stored for a great length of time.

Recently some western weddings have started to use cupcakes or other individually sized dessert items in place of a larger tiered cake. These individual cakes are often arranged in tiers to represent the shape of the traditional tiered cake.

Wedding cake toppers are small models that sit on top of the cake, normally a representation of a bride and groom in formal wedding attire. This custom was dominant in US wedding in the 1950s where it represented togetherness.[2] Modern weddings have embraced more variety in design and significance. Wedding toppers today are often figures that indicate shared hobbies or other passions.

The Wedding Experience

Emily Post's Etiquette was first published in 1922, as a guide to the "new" people of the post-war boom, who meant to get the unfamiliar details right, and the conservatively evolving nature of a formal wedding can be traced in its various editions. A 4th edition of Peggy Post's Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette: Cherished Traditions and Contemporary Ideas for a Joyous Celebration is still in print, along with a wide range of wedding planners and guides to second weddings bearing the Post name. A subtle shift in the requirements for a wedding can be detected in the modern blurb for Emily Post's Weddings "creating a wedding experience that demonstrates the bride and groom's commitment and uniqueness." "Uniqueness" is a modern addition to a wedding's requirements. Judith Martin has published Miss Manners on Weddings.

The full white wedding experience means that an organist, a choir, flower arrangements, flowers for lapels and commemorative wedding leaflets with the Order of Service need to be arranged and purchased.

Any selection or all of the following might be a part of the ceremony as well; a hymn or popular song, a Bible reading or popular poem.

Other Wedding Traditions

Money dance or dollar dance. Guests pay a small amount of money to dance with the bride or groom. In some cultures, the money is pinned to a special apron worn by the bride or groom. In others, the money is collected by friends, who sometimes give a shot of alcohol to each guest as they pay. This tradition is common in the U.S. Midwest.

Tossing of the bride's bouquet and garter. The bride tosses her bouquet over her shoulder to a group of all the single women present. Whoever catches it is supposed to be the next to get married. Similarly, the groom tosses the bride's garter to the single men, often after removing it from her leg, to the amusement of the guests. On occasion, the bride will "rig" the bouquet toss by tossing the bouquet to a woman who is engaged. The groom then arranges for the fiancé of the bouquet toss winner to receive the bride's garter. Sometimes the man who catches the garter is supposed to put it on the leg of the woman who catches the bouquet or the garter is sold in a raffle instead of being tossed.

Clinking of the glasses. Guests will often clink their glasses during dinner to ask the newlyweds to stand up and kiss. Some couples pass out wedding favor bells for guests to ring instead of clinking glasses.

Favors. The hosts typically provide a small gift for each guest. Popular favors: chocolates, candles, soups, small picture frames.

Bridesmaids

The bridesmaids are members of the bride's wedding party in a wedding. A bridesmaid is typically a young woman, and often a close friend or sister. She attends to the bride during or after a wedding or marriage ceremony. Traditionally, bridesmaids were chosen from unwed young women of marriageable age.

The principal bridesmaid, if one is so designated, may be called the chief bridesmaid or maid of honor if she is unmarried, or the matron of honor if she is married. A junior bridesmaid is a girl who is clearly too young to be marriageable, but who is included as an honorary bridesmaid.

Origin of bridesmaids

The Western bridesmaid tradition is thought to have originated from Roman law, which required ten witnesses at a wedding in order to outsmart evil spirits believed to attend marriage ceremonies by bridesmaids and ushers dressing in identical clothing to the bride and groom, so that the evil spirits would not know who was getting married.

However the origins of the tradition are both more ancient, and more recent then Rome, derived from the Hebrew Bible, and adopted by Christianity. The tradition originates with Jacob, and his two wives Leah and Rachel, who both literally came with their own maids as detailed in the Book of Genesis (29:24, 46:18), where Zilpah (Heb. Drooping) and Bilhah (Heb. Faltering; bashful) were the handmaids of Leah and Rachel, respectively, who were actually younger daughters of Laban {Pirḳe de R. Eliezer, xxxvi.}. According to Rashi, Zilpah was younger than Bilhah, and Laban's decision to give her to Leah was part of the deception he used to trick Jacob into marrying Leah, who was older than Rachel. Both maids went on to have some of Jacob's children on the initiative of his wives.

History of bridesmaid tradition

Even as late as 19th century England, there was a belief that ill-wishers could administer curses and taint the wedding. In Victorian wedding photographs, for example, the bride and groom are frequently dressed in the same fashion as other members of the bridal party.

Often there is more than one bridesmaid: in modern times the bride chooses how many to ask. Historically, no person of status went out unattended, and the size of the retinue was closely calculated to be appropriate to the family's social status. Then, as now, a large group of bridesmaids provided an opportunity for showing off the family's social status and wealth.

Bridesmaids in Europe and North America are often asked to assist the bride with planning the wedding and a wedding reception. A bridesmaid is also typically asked to play a role in planning wedding-related events, such as a bridal shower or bachelorette party, if there are any. However, according to etiquette expert Judith Martin, the required duties of bridesmaids are very limited: "Contrary to rumor, bridesmaids are not obliged to entertain in honor of the bride, nor to wear dresses they cannot afford."[5] A junior bridesmaid has no responsibilities beyond attending the wedding.

Since modern bridesmaids, unlike their historical counterparts, can no longer rely on having their clothes and travel expenses paid for by the bride's family, and are sometimes even assessed fees to pay for parties that the bride wants to have before the wedding, it has become customary for the bride to present the bridesmaids with gifts as a sign of gratitude for the support and financial commitment that comes with their roles.

Maid of honor

In the United Kingdom, the term "maid of honour" originally referred to the female attendant of a queen. The term bridesmaid is normally used for all bridal attendants in the UK. However, when the attendant is married, or is a mature woman, the term matron of honour is often used. The influence of American English has led to the chief bridesmaid sometimes being called the maid of honour.

In North America, a wedding party might include several bridesmaids, but the maid of honor is the title and position held by the bride's chief attendant, typically her closest friend or sister. If she is married, the title matron of honor is used. In modern day weddings some brides opt to choose a long-time male friend or brother as their head attendant, using the title man of honor.

The activities of the principal bridesmaid may be as many or as varied as she allows the bride to impose upon her. Her only required duty is to participate in the wedding ceremony. Typically, however, she is asked for help with the logistics of the wedding as an event, such as addressing invitations, and for her help as a friend, such as attending the bride as she shops for her wedding dress. Many brides expect a chief bridesmaid to arrange and pay for a bridal shower as well as the bachelorette party (US) or hen's night (Australia and UK).

On the day of the wedding, her principal duty is to provide practical and emotional support. She might assist the bride with dressing and, if needed, help the bride manage her veil, a bouquet of flower, a prayer book, or the train of her wedding dress during the day. In a double-ring wedding, the chief bridesmaid is often entrusted with the groom's wedding ring until it is needed during the ceremony. Many brides ask bridesmaids, if they are adults, to be legal witnesses who sign the marriage license after the ceremony.

Groomsmen

In a North American, Australian or British wedding a groomsman or usher is one of the male attendants to the bridegroom in a wedding ceremony. Usually the bridegroom selects his closest friends and/or relatives to serve as a groomsmen, and it is considered an honor to be selected. From his groomsmen, the groom chooses one to serve as best man.

The required duties of the groomsmen are:

• to help guests find their places before the ceremony and
• to participate in the wedding ceremony.

Additionally, the groom may request other kinds of assistance, such as planning celebratory events such as a bachelor party, also called Stag Night or Buck's Night; helping make the wedding pleasant for guests by talking with people who are alone or dancing with unpartnered guests or bridesmaids, if there is dancing at a wedding reception; or providing practical assistance with gifts, luggage, or unexpected complications. Groomsmen may also participate in local or regional traditions, such as decorating the newlywed couple's car.

For a wedding with many guests, the groom may also designate other male friends and relatives to act as ushers, whose sole task is ushering guests to their seats before the ceremony. Ushers may also be hired for very large weddings.

In a military officer's wedding, the role of groomsmen is replaced by swordsmen of the sword honor guard. They are usually picked as close personal friends of the groom who have served with him. Their role includes forming the traditional saber arch for the married couple and guests to walk through.

Best man

The best man is the chief male assistant to the bridegroom at a wedding. In North America and Europe, the groom extends this honour to someone who is close to him, generally either a brother or his closest male friend. When the groom wishes to give this honor to a woman, she may be termed the best woman or best person, or may still be referred to as the 'best man'. The bride's equivalent of the best man is the maid or matron of honour. A gender-neutral term is honor attendant.

While the best man's required duties are only those of a friend, in the context of an American/British white wedding, the best man will typically:

• assist the groom on the wedding day,
• keep the wedding rings safe until needed during the ceremony,
• act as a legal witness to the marriage, and
• make a toast to the bride and groom at the reception.
• be responsible for organizing the bachelor party or stag night as it is known in the UK and Australia.

Flower Girls

A flower girl is a participant in a wedding procession. Like ring bearers and page boys, flower girls are usually members of the bride's or groom's extended family, but may also be friends. Typically, the flower girl walks in front of the bride during an entrance processional. She may spread flower petals on the floor before the bride or carry a bouquet of flowers or thornless roses. Once the processional is over, a young flower girl will sit down with her parents. If the ceremony will not be particularly long, an older child may prefer to quietly stand at the altar with the other honor attendants.

Because very young children are overwhelmed by the duties, and older girls may feel insulted by a "baby" role, the recommended age is between four and eight years of age, or even older, if not offensive to the girl's feelings. There may be more than one flower girl, particularly if the bride has several young relatives to honour. This practice is more common at British royal weddings, at elaborate weddings modeled after royal weddings, or at Victorian-themed weddings.

Historically, the clothing was provided by the families of the bride and groom, but most modern couples expect the parents of the flower girl pay for her dress. Her male equivalent is the ringbearer or page boy. Often the ringbearer and the flower girl are made to look like a couple, and they may be dressed in miniature versions of the bride's and groom's clothes.

Symbolically, the flower girl scatters rose petals for the bride to walk on as a token of beauty. Some say the rose petals are tossed as a symbol of the bride's walking down the path of a new life as well.

Page boys and ringbearers

A page boy is a young male attendant at a wedding or cotillion. This type of wedding attendant is less common than it used to be, but is still a way of including young relatives or the children of relatives and friends in a wedding. A page is often seen at British royal weddings. There may be many pages for effect at cotillions.

Traditionally, page boys carry the bride's train, especially if she is wearing a dress with a long train. Because of the difficulty of managing the train, page boys are generally no younger than age seven, with older boys being preferred for more complicated duties.

In a formal wedding, the ring bearer is a special page who carries the wedding rings for the bridal party. This is almost always symbolic, with the ring bearer carrying a large white satin pillow on which imitation rings are sewn, while the real wedding bands are kept in the safekeeping of the best man. If the real rings are used, they are tacked on with thread to prevent their accidental loss.

The ringbearer as a separate role is a relatively modern innovation. In a white wedding ceremony, the best man carries the rings. Ring bearers are often nephews or young brothers (although they can also be nieces or sisters) and are generally in the same age range as flower girls, which is to say that they are no younger than about 5 nor older than 10.

Officiant/Celebrant

In the United States, Canada and many other countries around the world, a celebrant is a person who performs religious or secular celebrancy services for weddings, funerals, child namings, coming of age ceremonies, and other rituals.

Some Celebrants are ordained clergy, while others are Officiants empowered by the Humanist Association of Canada (HAC), the American Humanist Association (AHA), or the Society for Humanistic Judaism. (SHJ). In Australia, where Celebrants are commonly hired, they may be certified by any one of a number of Celebrancy training programs, while in the UK, most belong to one of a number of Humanist organizations, including the British Humanist Association and the Humanist Society of Scotland.

Celebrants may perform alternative and nontraditional ceremonies in places, and under circumstances where mainstream religious clergy will not. Some Celebrants perform same-sex weddings and commitment ceremonies. Celebrants, also called Officiants, often perform ceremonies in parks, on beaches, on mountains, on boats, on hiking trails, in hotels, in banquet halls, in private homes, and many other places.

In the United States, Celebrants are professional ceremony officiants who believe in the power and effectiveness of ceremony and ritual to serve basic needs of society and the individual. They collaborate with their clients to create and perform personalized ceremonies that reflect the client’s beliefs, philosophy of life, and personality; not the Celebrant’s.

Schedule

Day of the Wedding (For a 6:30 p.m. ceremony) KNOT NOTE:

Don't skip breakfast. Nerves could get the better of you later on, plus you might be so crazed with last-minute details you won't even have time to eat.

8:30 a.m. Good morning, sunshine -- it's time to take the bull by the horns. Shake off the sleep, take a deep breath, and peek outside. If it's raining or doing anything remotely unpleasant, quickly brew some coffee and wait for the bride's call. Console her if she's freaking out; help her think through and carry out any necessary adjustments in the game plan.

8:45 a.m. Grab a filling, energy-boosting breakfast, complete with coffee, aspirin, a bloody Mary, or anything else you'll need to get the ball rolling.

9:15 a.m. Clear your mind. Maybe the hotel offers massage services and you already have an appointment. If not, go for a quick jog, take a walk, do some yoga, or write in your journal. You deserve a moment of quiet before the storm. Keep your cell phone handy, in case the bride needs to get in touch with you.

9:45 a.m. If you're bunking with the other bridesmaids, decide who gets first shower. The maid of honor should probably get first dibs (and has probably done so already, in anticipation of this skirmish), as she should join up with the bride as soon as possible. Draw straws, if necessary.

11:00 a.m. While the bridesmaids bathe, shave, primp, and dress, the maid of honor should meet up with the bride at the bridal suite (or other designated home base). Some maids of honor shack up with the bride the night before the wedding for peace of mind, and will have been with her this whole time. If not, she should have arrived on the by now scene with the bride's emergency kit, dress steamer, aspirin, favorite CDs, and any other essentials. The bride's mom should drop off the dress later, unless the maid of honor helped the bride bring it to the room the night before.

11:30 a.m. While the maid of honor and bride wait for the beauticians and bridesmaids to arrive, they can confirm all limo/car service pick-up and drop-off times, bouquet deliveries, and any other day-of arrangements. Bust out the contact sheet and divide up the calls.

12:00 noon Bridesmaids shuffle in with their dresses and the something old, new, borrowed, blue.

12:30 p.m. Hair and makeup stylists arrive. The maid of honor is first on the get-ready list (so that she can devote herself fully to the bride later). Bridesmaids can visit with the bride, make her laugh, help her pack for her honeymoon, snap photos, assemble favors, fold programs, or run errands in the meantime.

Knot Note: Everyone should be hanging out in comfortable, casual clothes. Press at the last possible moment to avoid wrinkling, crushing, sweating, staining, and other dress-wrecking issues.

1:30 p.m. Take turns getting hair and makeup done. The bride's mom and sisters (if not in the wedding party) arrive with the bride's wedding gown. Help them remove it from the garment bag, steam wrinkles away, fluff crinoline, etc.

2:15 p.m. Groom's mom and sisters (if not in wedding party) arrive.

Confirm that the bride has brought all the necessary gear (garter, perfume, gloves, favorite earrings). There's still time for a last-minute errand or two.

Review what will happen with the bride's gown and bouquet after the wedding. Will one of you have to take it to the preservationist? If you're in charge, call the service to coordinate a drop-off time.

2:30 p.m. Lunchtime -- it could be a simple but nourishing room service event or a full-on bridesmaids' tea. It's up to the bride to plan it -- if she drops the ball and needs you to order pizza or sandwiches, take orders and put the luncheon together with a smile.

The bride may take this time to distribute your hard-earned bridesmaid gifts. You, in turn, will present the bride with your group gift and any old, new, borrowed, blue items that fell under your umbrella.

3:15 p.m. The next two hours belong to the bride (she'll be getting manicured, made-up, and veiled). Meanwhile, readers/performers can practice and the maid of honor can rehearse her toast. Help each other get dressed.

Two of you should attend to the wedding gown so that it will be perfect when the bride is ready to get dressed. One of you takes care of any additional steaming and pressing; the other inspects for loose threads and wrinkling areas.

4:00 p.m. Receive and inspect bouquets, then distribute. Greet the photographer's assistant when she arrives at the bridal suite to set up for prewedding photos.

5:00 p.m. Greet photographer and videographer when they arrive to shoot bride (and bridesmaids) primping and dressing, looking in the mirror, and other key candids.

Tell the bride to visit the ladies' room one last time. Lay out her hosiery and undergarments, slip, petticoat, garter, and gloves.

5:20 p.m. Help bride slip into her gown. Button, fuss, smooth, pat, and gush. Help her step into and buckle her shoes. Fasten bracelets and necklaces. Tell her she's gorgeous.

If you're the maid of honor, tuck your toast into your purse and get ready to go. Slip the groom's ring on your thumb and guard it with your life.

5:45 p.m. The bride's dad (or other escort) arrives via limo at the hotel/pickup location. The bride, her mom, and the maid of honor join him and depart for the ceremony.

6:00 p.m. Bridesmaids, sisters, and groom's mom depart for ceremony in prescheduled limos/town cars.

6:10 p.m. The maid of honor should meet the officiant with the bride, groom, and best man to sign the civil marriage license (as well as the ketubah, if it's a Jewish wedding). She'll sign as the bride's witness.

6:20 p.m. Enjoy the backstage excitement with the bride, her mom and dad, and the wedding coordinator.

Meanwhile, the prelude begins. Guests are seated.

6:30 p.m. Ushers/groomsmen begin seating important family members, such as grandparents, aunts, and uncles.

Officiant walks down the aisle and takes his/her place.

Groom and best man follow.

If there is an aisle runner, two groomsmen roll it out.

6:35 p.m. Processional starts.

Take your places (in the predetermined order).

6:40 p.m. Proceed. If you're the maid of honor, you usually precede the bride or go just before the flower girl. Remember to stand tall, walk gracefully and slowly, and appear to be moved (instead of exhausted) by the whole experience. When you're all gathered up front, look out toward the back and wait for the bride. As she starts down the aisle, savor the sight. Make a mental note to tell the bride exactly what it was like to see her in that beautiful, life-changing moment.

Bruce L. Snell Photography

Bridal Shower

Bridal shower From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia Jump to: navigation, search Bridal Showers traditionally involve giving gifts to future wives. Bridal Showers traditionally involve giving gifts to future wives.

A bridal shower is a gift giving party given for a bride before her wedding. The custom originated in the United States, although the first stories about these events have been known to originate in Brussels, Belgium around 1860. It remains a primarily US and Canadian practice. Showers are usually coordinated by the bridesmaids, who invite guests to offer gifts for the home of the bride and groom.

The custom of the bridal shower is said to have grown out of earlier dowry practices when a poor woman's family might not have the money to provide a dowry for her, or when a father refused to give his daughter her dowry because he did not approve of the marriage. In such situations, friends of the woman would gather together and bring gifts that would compensate for the dowry and allow her to marry the man of her choice. A frequently quoted legend traces the origin of this practice to sixteenth or seventeenth century the Netherlands. However there are also parallels with many dowry practices and the US Colonial or hope chest (trousseau) custom.[1]

In the United States bridal showers started in urban areas in the 1890s, mainly among the upper middle classes. By the 1930s bridal showers had spread to rural America.[2]

The earliest use of this sense of the word in print may be in the Grand Rapids Michigan Evening Press 22 June 4, 1904: "The ‘shower parties’ that through mistaken hospitality the wedded couple are forced to attend..." And may derive from the custom in Victorian times for the presents to be put inside a parasol, which when opened would "shower" the bride-to-be with gifts.[3]

Many brides host a bridesmaids' tea or luncheon to thank the gang for all the wedding prep they've put up with and to get in some last-minute bonding. Usually on the casual side, this girls only get-together is an opportunity to swap stories and for the bride to present each maid with her bridesmaid gift. To plan your celebration, use these basic tips.

When to Gather

The tea or luncheon is usually held a day or two before the wedding and sometimes on the big day itself. This timing works well, especially if your bridesmaids are coming from all over and will be in town for a few days. Also, tensions tend to peak during the final stages -- a relaxing, reflective meal together is the perfect way to chill out.

Before you set a date and time, determine what you can handle. If you think you might be hysterical when the big day arrives, hosting the tea that same afternoon is not advised.

Who's Invited

The maid of honor, bridesmaids, and flower girl comprise the guest list, and no, invitations aren't necessary (unless you're planning something very formal). Some brides include mothers, grandmothers, and other female family members on the guest list, too. Think intimate. While you're formally repaying your maids for their many exertions, keep in mind that this is also a bittersweet occasion. In many ways, the bridesmaids' tea is a fond farewell.

Where to Host

Is everyone staying at the same hotel? The hotel dining room will provide an elegant and convenient setting. Or, consider a place that has special significance for all of you: A favorite café or tea salon? Mom's basement? Grandparents' country club? Also consider heading outdoors for a beach picnic or park party.

What's the Style?

Many brides love the formality of a traditional seated tea or luncheon: white table linens and fine china, the attendees in flowered dresses, their fingers freshly manicured. Still, the point is to relax and hang out. Don't fuss over the details -- if you'd prefer something casual, do it up informally. And if the gathering is happening just hours before gown time, it's perfectly fine for everyone to show up in bathrobes and the like. Just make sure everyone knows what the deal is and keep it simple.

What to Serve

If you're getting together on the afternoon of the wedding, plan a light menu. Most of the wedding party will probably be too nervous to eat, plus you don't want everyone feeling bloated from that rich cream sauce or super-spicy enchilada. Traditional tea treats -- finger sandwiches, mini pastries, mints -- are a safe bet, but a Caesar salad, bagels and fruit, even sushi can also provide excellent nourishment without being overwhelming. If the tea or luncheon is taking place days before the big event, feature food your friends will love, but know that it's not worth planning a fussy feast. The emphasis should be on enjoying each other's company.

Gifting the Maids

Those bridesmaid gifts you spent so much time choosing? Now is the time to give them out! You can place the gifts at each bridesmaid's place setting, or present the goodies any way you please. You might have 10 or 12 maids, or just two -- but take the time to thank each of them with a handwritten note. Or, think about handing the gifts out personally, standing up to say a few words about the meaning of your relationship with each maid. If that's not your style, don't worry -- add your own gesture to really enhance the intimate vibe.

More Key Moments

Other significant activities can be part and parcel of the bridesmaids' tea. Often the gang will use this time to present the bride with something old, new, borrowed, and blue. And, if they all pitched in to buy the bride a special wedding gift, they'll present that too, maybe with some words of benediction from the maid of honor. What else? Married attendees can come prepared to share what they've learned about marriage, usually in the form of funny anecdotes, moving memories, and sound advice.

A Charming Tradition

In traditional wedding circles, especially in the South, a popular feature of the bridesmaids' tea is the "charm cake." Symbolic charms (usually sterling silver) are tied to 12-inch-long ribbons (one for each maid); the ribbons are then arranged between the bottom tier of the cake and the cake plate, trailing out onto the table surface. At the tea, each bridesmaid pulls a ribbon and the charm she retrieves bears a special message. Examples: Horsehoe = good luck; Anchor = adventure awaits; Fleur-de-Lis = love will flower; Wedding Bells = next to marry; Ring = next to be engaged; Camera = fame and fortune; and on it goes.